{"id":1186,"date":"2018-11-09T11:23:00","date_gmt":"2018-11-09T11:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/virtualspeech.co\/?p=1186"},"modified":"2025-01-21T16:34:40","modified_gmt":"2025-01-21T16:34:40","slug":"assertive-communication-reduce-stress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/blog\/assertive-communication-reduce-stress","title":{"rendered":"What is Assertive Communication? Tips on Being More Assertive"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>It&#8217;s important to communicate your needs and views at work but many people find this difficult because they may come across as either too passive or aggressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The consequences of this poor communication can increase stress levels. In this article, we explore assertiveness, with a focus on &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/blog\/learning-to-say-no\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">saying no<\/a>&#8220;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What is assertive communication?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Assertive communication is when you confidently express your needs and opinions in a fair, honest, and calm way whilst considering the needs and views of other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s an important skill that reduces stress because it allows you to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Stand up for yourself<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Say &#8220;no&#8221; without feeling guilty<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Express your wants, needs and opinions<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Maintain self-control<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Judge the situation and be assertive only when it\u2019s appropriate<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The three communication types<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>There are three different types of communication styles:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><thead><tr><th>Passive<\/th><th>Assertive<\/th><th>Aggressive<\/th><\/tr><\/thead><tbody><tr><td>Not saying what you think<\/td><td>Expressing yourself clearly and confidently<\/td><td>Shouting, aggression<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Scared to speak up, others attack you<\/td><td>Speaks openly and honestly<\/td><td>Interrupts or talks over others, attacking<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Avoids eye contact<\/td><td>Maintains eye contact<\/td><td>Stares, looks judgmentally<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Speaks softly<\/td><td>Speaks firmly and at conversational level<\/td><td>Speaks loudly<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Reduces your self-esteem<\/td><td>Increases your self-esteem<\/td><td>Reduces others\u2019 self-esteem<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Gives in<\/td><td>Compromises<\/td><td>Takes<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Believing that your own needs don\u2019t matter<\/td><td>Believing that everyone\u2019s needs are important<\/td><td>Believing that your needs are the most important<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Unable to say &#8220;no&#8221; &#8211; you feel guilty if you do<\/td><td>Says no in an appropriate fashion<\/td><td>Says no in an angry and reactive way<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Makes body smaller e.g. slouches<\/td><td>Relaxed and welcoming posture<\/td><td>Closed posture, makes body bigger, invades personal space<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">For example:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>A colleague approaches you and asks if you can attend a meeting in their place because they\u2019ve double-booked themselves but you have a list of work you need to urgently get through that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>An&nbsp;<strong>aggressive person<\/strong>: &#8220;Absolutely not. You always do this! You need to learn to manage your own workload rather than bothering me!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A&nbsp;<strong>passive person<\/strong>: &#8220;Yeah of course I will.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>An&nbsp;<strong>assertive person<\/strong>: &#8220;Unfortunately I can\u2019t attend the meeting because I\u2019ve got lots of work to get through today, perhaps there\u2019s someone else you can ask.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"How to speak up for yourself | Adam Galinsky\" width=\"1220\" height=\"686\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/MEDgtjpycYg?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Tips on assertive communication<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Ensure that you tell the other person how you feel.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Listen (actively) to what the other person says and empathize.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Accept positive and negative feedback respectfully.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Speak at a normal conversational volume.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sound firm but not aggressive.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Maintain eye contact.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Use &#8220;I&#8221; statements to get your messages across firmly, such as, &#8220;I want&#8221;. Aggressive statements tend to begin with &#8220;you&#8221;.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Avoid words that exaggerate, such as, &#8220;always&#8221; and never&#8221;. For example, say &#8220;This is the third time this week you&#8217;ve delegated your work to me&#8221;, rather than &#8220;You always give me your work.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Use facts rather than judgements, such as saying &#8220;This article has information about X missing&#8221; rather than &#8220;You&#8217;ve done a bad job again.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Use clear-cut verbs so your message gets across, for instance, instead of saying &#8220;could&#8221; or &#8220;should&#8221; you can say &#8220;will&#8221;, rather than using &#8220;need&#8221; you can say &#8220;want&#8221;. For example, &#8220;I want to attend this conference because&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Examples of assertiveness:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;I currently can&#8217;t take on any extra projects. My calendar is full for the next month.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;I understand what you&#8217;re saying, but I disagree&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Can you please not walk away when we\u2019re talking?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Here is a divider I\u2019ve set up. Will you please place your papers here?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Let&#8217;s agree to disagree on this and move on.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;I have a different opinion. I think that&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;I understand that you want me to do the job. However I have already made arrangements for tonight.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Thanks, but I need some time to myself right now.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Thanks for thinking of me, but I think I&#8217;ll pass on this one.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;This is so important, and I can&#8217;t give it the time it deserves right now. Can we make an appointment to talk?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;I disagree with you. I see the situation this way&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;Thank you for sharing, but I&#8217;d like to hear from other people in the group.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;I feel offended by your remark.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In this article we discuss what assertive communication is and tips for being more assertive in the future, with examples you can use.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":1187,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career-and-workplace"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1186"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1186\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3789,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1186\/revisions\/3789"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1187"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}